I honestly tried to keep my expectations low but for a while now, I’ve become more and more dubious about the whole retro-remake trend.

Time and again, the value-added content in retro-remakes is dwindling and they’re beginning to feel more and more like cheap cash grabs. Take an existing IP, or hell, just take the existing 8 bit or 16 bit version of an IP, slap a new coat of paint on it and call it a remake. But when the new content doesn’t pan out or the new paint isn’t so slick, it just feels like game companies think we’re stupid.

And that’s exactly how I felt when I got my hands on Bubble Bobble NEO. There isn’t the ton of new content that Bionic Commando: Rearmed had. There aren’t the excellent controls of Lode Runner XBLA. Hell, there isn’t even the stylized graphics that made Turtles in Time: Reshelled at least inspired. It looks and feels like a cheap cash-in and I can’t help but feel.

Gameplay

I’d love to sit here and tell you that the Bubble Bobble you’ve come to love is well represented in this game. I’d also love to report that the excellent puzzle platforming gameplay is perfectly intact and lovingly ported to the 360 but sadly, that just isn’t true.

The controls are janky and feel slightly unresponsive. And on top of that, the buttons for jump and blowing a bubble are for some reason reversed. I am constantly trying to blow a bubble and jumping instead, inadvertently landing on an incoming enemy and it makes the game borderline unplayable. The gameplay just relies to heavily on twitch decisions and controls that any kind of shakiness just leads to frustration. You can, technically, change the controls but that option is buried three menus deep and only offers you two layouts to choose between.

And on top of that, I’ve seen a slew of forum posts concerning incredibly broken levels found later in the game, however I was never able to get far enough to see them. It’s taken YouTube guide’s just to get players through them and even then only with great difficulty.

Graphics and Sound

The game doesn’t even look that great either. For some reason, it just looks..off. I mean, it’s definitely Bub and Bob out there in colourful vertical mazes but the quick coat of paint just makes them look cartoony in a weird way. I miss the original sprites and don’t understand why they wouldn’t choose to either completely overhaul the graphics or leave them in their original form.

Value

And why didn’t they release a straight port? Could it be a straight dollars and cents decision? That’s exactly what happened, isn’t it? Instead of releasing a classic version of Bubble Bobble for the average port price of 400 Microsoft points, Taito spit-polished the games’ sprites, messed with the level design and released it as a full remake for 800 points.

Conclusion

I’ll admit that I wasn’t really looking forward to a new Bubble Bobble game but I honestly gave this game every opportunity to bring something new to the table. It just under-delivers on a beloved franchise and that’s just not fair to Bubble Bobble fans who just want to recapture a bit of the magic of the classic arcade or NES releases.